I just saw a hot homeless man
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
