they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
