hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
where are my eyebrows?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
