How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
