so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
