my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
