dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
