First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
