Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
