btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
