i already hear my dad disowning me
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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