He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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