We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
