New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
