I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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