you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
