the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
