loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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