like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think my moral compass just broke
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
