I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
