As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
