I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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