Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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