The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
