Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
