No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
