Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
