I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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