His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize