I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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