Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
