you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
