You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
