Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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