he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize