Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
