mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
