I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
