very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
