Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
