Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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