im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
