in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
