we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
