How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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