I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
