He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
