Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
