all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
