Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
