i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
