Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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