Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
