Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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