smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Randomize
