I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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