i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
