I wish my penis had an off switch
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
