even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
