last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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