i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize