I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
