I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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