They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Can I color on your dick again?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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