I'm lost and stupid without you.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
