I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
