btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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