i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
