I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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