he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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