a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
