Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
