My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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